Surprised! Joe Biden Refuses Drug Test

Are you surprised?

Joe Biden rejected calls for him to take a drug test before the first U.S. Presidential Debate. After weeks of avoiding the question, Joe Biden finally cracked. Must have missed his dose.

President Trump on Sunday morning called on Joe Biden to voluntarily undergo a drug screen prior to the debate on Tuesday night.

“I will be strongly demanding a Drug Test of Sleepy Joe Biden prior to, or after, the Debate on Tuesday night. Naturally, I will agree to take one also,” said President Trump.

President Trump famously doesn’t take drugs or drink alcohol. On the other hand, Joe Biden infamously doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to show pedophiliac tendencies towards minors. That part is 100% authentic.

President Trump added: “[Joe Biden’s] debate performances have been a record-setting UNEVEN, to put it mildly. Only drugs could have caused this discrepancy?”

Joe Biden is the equivalent of a geriatric yo-yo. He can barely stand up. All of Joe Biden’s TV commercials are sped up times three to make his dribbling pace look fast.

Interviews are cut short because Joe Biden starts to develop drool on his chin as he stares blankly into the camera. There are days when Joe Biden is lucky to remember his own name. And this man is fit for the presidency? No.

To say nothing of Joe Biden’s failed 47 years in office. President Trump isn’t perfect, but he has accomplished more in one year than Joe Biden has in all of his 47 failed years. Never mind the total accomplishments of the full four-year term of President Trump’s service in office.

Joe Biden is like a fish sandwich that’s been left in the sun for too long. Alternatively, he is an embalmed corpse held together by what can only be weapons-grade drugs. The fact that Joe Biden is a stumbling zombie even with Nazi lab meth is cause for the deepest concern. President Trump should also demand that Joe Biden take a cognitive test, along with the drug test.

Watching a Joe Biden interview is to perpetually cringe as we watch a withered man frozen with glassy eyes and nothing behind them boring into the camera like a psychiatric patient staring out from behind the barred windows of turn of the 19th century Bellevue counting the purple birds.

Whether or not Joe Biden is smoking crack before public appearances, it sure doesn’t seem to make a difference. Joe Biden’s handlers still feed him lines to say and he dribbles them out with no sense of their meaning. Then it’s back to the rocking chair for a nice long snooze.

Some days Joe Biden can’t even get out of the basement. On multiple occasions in the past two weeks, Joe Biden’s campaign has called a “lid” by 8:00 a.m. EST (a “lid” is when a campaign announces that there will be no public events or communications from the campaign for the remainder of that day). In September alone, Joe Biden’s campaign has called ten lids before noon. Joe Biden is just too hollowed out, drugs or no drugs, to face public exposure and questioning. Many argue that the United States needs a more energetic presidency.

“Joe Biden just announced that he will not agree to a Drug Test. Gee, I wonder why?” asked President Trump upon the news that Zippity Doo Dah Joe refused to undergo drug testing.

Instead, Biden’s campaign released a nasty hissy fit in response to President Trump’s attempt to submit Joe Biden to a drug test:

“Joe Biden intends to deliver his debate answers in words.”

We are SO GLAD that Joe Biden has decided to finally use words.

They continued: “If the president thinks his best case is made in urine he can have at it. We’d expect nothing less from Donald Trump, who pissed away the chance to protect the lives of 200K Americans when he didn’t make a plan to stop COVID-19.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the brains behind the Joe Biden campaign. Not much to sneeze at there. There are ham sandwiches with higher IQs.

This weekend Joe Biden’s handlers were asleep themselves – how ironic – when a reporter ambushed Biden and again asked him if he would take a drug test before the debate. Joe Biden smiled nervously and said, “No, I have no comment” and then he yelled, “get these squirrels off me.” Of course, there were no squirrels.